There had to be more to life than this.

Blood poured from my nose. I had just rear ended another car, frantically racing down the 405 in my clunky well-loved Toyota Yaris. The urgent mission? Picking up my boss’s mail. Or maybe it was scrambling to get 15 drunk grips out of bed and on to set in 105 degree heat with nothing but a fishing boat and a prayer. Or maybe it was getting screamed at by my boss for forgetting to put her salad dressing on the side, or for letting the printer run out of ink, or misspelling the name of the producer(turns out there are many ways to spell John) or-or–or the list goes ON. You see I was working in Hollywood as Production Assistant: which means I got paid next to nothing to worry about everything. Everything was urgent and everything was my fault. This job description didn’t pair particularly well with my anxious desire to be THE BEST PA that ever was. Hence risking my safety and many others to get to the mailbox 3 seconds quicker.

Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful to have this work. As someone who didn’t go to film school (I preferred to take philosophy and drugs in college) I jumped at the chance to work on big movies with even bigger budgets and stars. Looking back, it was an essential part of my filmmaking career, I’m very proud to have started from the ‘bottom up’ and truly believe Directing is a piece of cake compared to being a PA (who is probably bringing you the cake) Production Assistant (or PA for short) work was like getting paid to go to film school. But trust me, I paid.

At the time, I had no problem forfeiting my entire life to the movies. Like I said, it was a small price to pay for learning the nuts and bolts of how films get made (or fall apart) but as a young woman in my 20’s, ambitious as I was, I was also yearning for love…or a least a crush that made it out of basecamp. After a few Showmances (romances that only last as long as the job or love affairs that never make it out of crafty) I was truly worried how the hell any one is supposed to find love in a town so obsessed with work.

Next I happened to get a gig helping out a casting director friend run auditions. Day after day cute, sweet, seemingly available dudes flooded the office. So what if they were actors, no ones perfect! One day over a smoke break (we didn’t get lunch breaks, only smoke breaks, so you see, I had to take up smoking…for my health!) I fantasized about holding a casting call to find myself the perfect boyfriend. But rather than actually do this, I decided to double down on work, and follow the fuck out of my dreams. And the movie Stupid Questions was born.

Stupid Questions follows Lucy, brilliantly played by Zelda Williams, as a casting assistant with a terrible boss who pretends to hold a casting call for a hot new movie but is secretly just trying to find a boyfriend.

I didn’t realize what a timestamp of Echo Park ‘Stupid Questions’ would be. The film captured this precious time (2009-2011) after college and before smart phones, where Echo Park felt like a real community. Sadly, most of the coffee shops, bars, art galleries, and bodegas don’t exist anymore. The main character’s home was even my real house IRL: a gorgeous Airstream trailer. Where I could use the kitchen and the bathroom at the same time. My shoes were in the oven, I was out every night. Heaven.

We even had the premiere at the Echo Park Film Center’s dearly departed brick and mortar location. My parents flew in and surprised me which helped me realize this was special. It takes a village to raise a movie and I’m so grateful to all the brilliant cast and crew who leant their time and talent to this crazy PA with a dream. As I introduced the film to family and friends who now felt like family, I realized I wasn’t in LA anymore. I was home.

Luckily, I was able to transition out of PAing shortly after making this film but looking back I think this movie was a way for me to process the all consuming sometimes dehumanizing work of being an artist. I wouldn’t trade those tireless years for anything, just like I wouldn’t trade the tireless hours now. My current mantra being: The only thing worse than writing is not writing…

14 years later, I’m still trying to find a work/life balance. Especially with a new baby. Work is like a Fuck Boi, sure he’s a blast but it can be so painful to love someone who is truly not capable of loving you back. But when I think of all the love that went into Stupid Questions and how much love poured through it and right back out into the world, I’m not sure that’s true. I can still feel the love of Stupid Questions over a decade later, all the way from Momville.

I wanted to share Stupid Questions with you. I’m legally forbidden by my therapist to watch my old work but please give it a watch and let me know what ya think!

xx

Jessie

((((( I loved my 20s and I’m so glad they are over)))))