It’s been 13 years since the birth of my first Jewish baby…A web series titled ‘Dude, Where’s my Chutzpah?’ Yes, someone actually gave me money to make this. It was a different time. 2011 (miss you, girl.)
The web series centers on an apathetic 20-something Jewish girl (randomly) named Jessie, whose beloved bubbe dies, leaving her a bunch of money, but to get the cash, she must agree to live Jewish for a year. And so she sets out on a mission to find her Chutzpah. What could go wrong?!
The seed of this idea, of course, came from my own life, or more specifically, my own panic. I had applied for this Jewish art grant on a lark; never in a million years did I think I would get it. I mean, I was a bad Jew who had no interest in being a good one.
So when I got the funds, I was stoked until I read the fine print: I could make a film about ANYTHING, but it had to have Jewish themes. Oy vey…
I hadn’t thought about being Jewish since I was doing the Macarena at my Bat Mitzvah party. Judaism had NO place in my modern life. What was I gonna make a film about? Bagels? Pumpernickel the Musical?
In order to make a ‘Jewish film,’ I was gonna have to first figure out what being Jewish meant to me…
For the research, I went ALL IN. I dabbled in Orthodox Judaism, crashed a famous Jewish rapper’s house for Shabbat, became besties with a holocaust survivor, and talked to so many rabbis I literally started a podcast to interview them. I took Yiddish classes, spent hours walking the streets of Pico/Robertson, aka mini Jerusalem, and then traveled to actual Jerusalem. But the more I traveled, the more lost I felt. My questions led to more questions, I was confused, frustrated, exhausted, and nauseous. In other words, I was becoming a Jew.
With the grant deadline looming, it was time to start shooting. Chutzpah was the first time I stepped on the other side of the camera. Not to play into Jewish stereotypes, but I thought it was a waste of money to hire a Jewish actress to play Jessie. It was time for my close-up…I just needed to get my mustache waxed first.
I’d made dozens of shorts before, but Chutzpah was my biggest project to date. Production-wise, Chutzpah was a beast. Dozens of locations, multiple countries, countless music cues. The format was a hybrid documentary and scripted series, which meant every single scene had its own set of challenges (and delights!) For example, I’m obviously gonna let a holocaust survivor or Palestinian farmer improvise their own lines, but I’ve got to make sure their scenes work within the larger story. I then began directing from within the scene as I was acting. It was total chaos, and the most alive I’d ever felt.
I think my greatest strength as a filmmaker is surrounding myself with people smarter than me. Like Producers Ryan Lacen and Tsafrir Or, Editor Alex Mackenzie, cinematographers Kristina M. Schutle-Eversum and Addie Reiss, and Music Supervisor Jennifer Lanchart. My crew made the magic. What happens behind the camera is always the most cinematic IMO.
I never rewatch my old work. As my Grandma Lucille said, ‘That was another time.’ But I’m sure there are jokes, moments, and even entire countries in this that will make you ‘cringe’ as the kids say. But every movie I’ve made has made me, and I’m so proud to share Chutzpah with you after all these years.
Now that I’m a mom, I’m not sure I’d have the balls to pull off a lot of what I tried in the series, but I’m so grateful for my Chutzpah and the journey it took me find it.
In Love and Chutzpah,
Jessie
