Online dating can be exhausting and most us having been left flabbergasted and exasperated by some of the creepy Tinder messages we get from random people. Whether it’s an unsolicited dick pic, a request to bend over, or just “DTF?”, there are lots of gross lines that not only are totally uncalled for, they make you wonder why they would send them at all, and if it’s ever worked for them. That’s exactly what Super Deluxe decided to find out in a new video called “Perv Catchers”. They had Jessie, a 31-year-old online dater who seems… just over it. Over the creeps and the weirdos. And I get it, it feels like for every normal conversation there are five or 10 messages that just make your skin crawl.
But rather than just ignoring the messages, Jessie invited these guys over and then tried to get to the bottom of why they would send messages like that — and what exactly they get out of it. And while some of them just seem like jerks, it turns out a lot of them— somewhat worryingly— just seem like normal dudes. But it raised some interesting issues about what we use the Internet for and how we use it, and hopefully was eye opening to the guys themselves. I really recommend watching the whole interaction, you can see the video here:
The Strong Openers
First Jessie lays out some of the messages she gets. This one with the lesser-used double c spelling of dick was a personal favorite. And also this classic request for a favor:
Seriously? Seriously?
And Then They Arrive…
When she invites them over, they’re confronted with this. As in, a camera, a table, and other people. It’s a bit of an ambush and you can imagine how they react…
Not Having It
Nope, nope, nope. Some of them are not into it all, but a few actually sit down and speak to her.
What Are You Into?
She asked about the messages they sent, like this guy who replied to a simple “What are you into?” with “doggy style.” So she gives him what he asked for:
Once she actually gets on all fours and asks “Is that what you want?”, he backs down, saying “I was just trying to be funny.” By doing this to a couple of the guys, she really exposes the difference in acceptability between online and in real life behavior. Why should it be different? Even though he says “Online it’s like, it’s all words, you know?”, I don’t think that’s good enough. He explains that online you focus “on what you want”, rather than what both of them are interested in. It’s more about finding “exactly what I want, then let’s make it happen.” You can’t fault him for being honest, but it’s not exactly romantic.
This Guy Has It All Wrong
This guy was the worst. He insisted, “That’s what you’re all looking for, is perves.” Right. See her face? Does she look like she’s looking for perves?
“It’s A Compliment”
FFS. “It’s a compliment” is maybe the worst and most frustrating excuse forthose creepy messages or catcalls or general harassment. How do you think it’s a compliment? There’s just a disconnect. Even when Jessie tries to explain that a gross message “doesn’t make me want to hang out with you,” he still doesn’t seem to get it and says other women like it. I’m not buying it.
The Bottom Line?
“So you don’t use the internet for love, you use it for p*ssy,” she says to one of the guys, which seems to sum up their attitude. The key thing here is that they’re not crazy jerks in real life. She says “They’re mostly just like, sweet dudes” and even looking for love. Maybe just not on the Internet. That’s not an excuse to send disrespectful or offensively messages, obviously, but it does sort of explain the ‘let’s find someone who wants exactly what I want as fast as I can’ mentality. The problem is when people are looking for different things on the same platform, and the problem is even bigger when you get so many of those messages that your brain is melting. Stay strong, Jessie. We’ve all been there.
Images: Super Deluxe/Youtube
