Below is a list of reasons yours truly has been kicked to the curb. If you would like more elaborate details please consult lifetime channel who have recently bought my life rights ( I can’t go into details but let’s just say for a Jewish girl..I’M CHEAP)

So get your terricloth bathrobes and pints of Chunky Monkey ready ladies…the one way ticket to dumpsville is pulling in (even though he promised to pull out…)

1) I really care about you…. I just really need to focus on the “revolution” right now

As if the revolution was an eye exam you could squint your way into passing

2) I’m going to rehab

I’m ALL for this, but give a sister a call BEFORE you head off to detox. Waiting by the phone for 28 days left me with a sore ass and a Fuonion addiction.

3) I really want to be with you but first I need to go to an Ashram in Indian and find myself.

If I wanted to bang Julia Roberts I could’ve just whacked it to Erin Brockovitch. Eat.Pray.Love your way on outta here buddy

4) I’m Bipolar

Well I’m madly in love with how much I hate you…what’s the big deal?

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE…….

5) YOU’RE NOT ASIAN

Trust me, if I was lucky enough to be an Asian chick you’re the last turd I’d be dating.

It’s not me it’s them….right mom?